A Letter to My 18 Year Old Self

Dear Amanda,

I know you’re going through a lot.  You’ve been through hell and back and you really feel like there is no way out.  The abuse that you’ve suffered and the trials and tribulations that you’ve faced is one that no person should have gone through in 18 short years of life.  I know that you can’t see it now, but it is all worth it.

I’m not saying that you won’t face more moments where you question your purpose.  In the 10 years that I’ve had past your time, you will go through unimaginable pain and heartache.  But, the journey that you’ve been on will shape you into a person who is undyingly compassionate and loving.  The person you are now will not be the person you will be later.  You will learn to heal.  You will learn what real love is.  You will finally learn that you are worth more than you think of in these moments right now.

You will meet a man.  He will change your life in more ways than you could ever think.  He will love you, protect you, and care for you at times where you can’t do it for yourself.  Don’t go looking for him.  He will come to you when the time is right.  Trust me, you’ll know when it’s him.

You will meet a girl.  And she is the most precious girl in the whole wide world.  She is perfect and will mean more to you than life itself.  With her brings a world of chaos and make you question yourself.  But you overcome it for her.  She is so worth it.  She is your daughter and she is amazing.

You will do extraordinary things.  You will graduate from college twice.  Your bad grades in high school will mean nothing now.  You worked hard to reach your goals of getting a Bachelor’s degree and you will SURPASS it, Miss Summa Cum Laude.

Your past does not define you.  Your future is not what you think it’ll be.  Hold onto all that hope and trust your gut instincts.  Believe in yourself because I believe in you.  I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your resilience and I am so thankful for you, past self.  Take the horrible experiences and take the great experiences to learn from them.  Let them guide you on your path.  Ignore the bullying and failed relationships.  They won’t matter today.

It’s hard to right now, but love yourself.  Live your life and be damned what other people think about you.  You are a human that is worth so much more than you think.  Also, be prepared to discover a world that you never knew you would love so much.  You will be a Whovian.  If you can watch it now because 28-year-old you is still not caught up.

Keep on going, never give up, never surrender.

Love always,

Amanda