Horrors of Potty Training

Do not read if you are the faint of heart.  I remember living life in bliss, BPT (before potty training) when I didn’t think about potty training.  It wasn’t that I never knew that I’d have to potty train my child, it’s just that it never occurred to me that it’d be a full-blown thing.  Teaching her to walk and talk was casual so I never thought any different.  Boy was I wrong.  After a few huge mishaps, I finally got her potty trained.  Since then though, I have been charged with potty training most every toddler that has set foot through the daycare doors.  I firmly believe I am a potty training guru by now, but not before I’ve experienced a few moments that will scar me for life.  I can say now, without hesitation, that when we have more children I will probably let Husband have a crack at it.  Here are just a few horror stories that I’ve experienced when potty training children.

1. The poop on the toilet seat.

One of the worst experiences I’ve had is finding poop on the toilet seat.  For some reason too, whenever Miss. K would do this, it was no big deal.  Someone else’s kid’s poop?  Forget it.  But, it comes with the job and, although absolutely disgusting, I’ve grown indifferent to it.  I just wipe it up, bleach the crap out of the toilet, and then bleach the crap out of my hands (even if I have gloves on).  Something else that comes with the job though is holding it until probably the last minute because there is so much stuff going on.  So, sometimes I have to make a mad dash to the bathroom.  Sometimes, I don’t look at the seat before I sit down.  Sometimes, I make that fatal mistake of sitting in someone else’s poop when I cease to look where I’m sitting.  Ya’ll can vomit in your mouth now.  I literally have to sit there because of course I have to go to the bathroom and then when I’m done, I basically scrub everything to the point where I have a new butt.  Lesson learned until the next time it happens.  Especially if you have multiple kids, sometimes it even happens to those who have already been potty trained – look before you sit.  Your butt will thank you.

2. That toilet missing

I’m pretty sure all potty training parents have been there before, especially if you have boys.  The missing of the toilet seat is a common horror story to the point where it probably doesn’t phase parents anymore.  But, I had something new happen one day that will forever change the way I potty train.  Here’s the lowdown.  Kid (boy) had to go potty.  I rejoiced because if a child tells you they have to go potty it’s a great achievement (goodbye timer setting).  I helped them on the toilet, I was about to tell them to make sure they point into the toilet, didn’t say it fast enough.  You know that crack in between the toilet seat and the toilet?  It’s the perfect size for pee to shoot through if they aren’t pointing it in.  You know what happens when that happens?  Well, if you have a bathroom like mine, it’s a tiny square with a toilet and sink opposite each other.  That’s basically it.  That pee will shoot through that space and manage to get ALL over the sink and even manage to make it to the mirror.  Now, I make sure to instruct before I put them on the toilet.

3. The no-pants Method

Of course I can’t do this with the daycare children, but when I was potty training Ms. K, I tried the naked no-pants weekend method.  I had heard lots of great things about it, I did my research on potty training, I had two training seats set up and her stuffed animals to encourage her.  This girl.  Let me tell you.  Every single time, she would wait until she had been sitting on the potty for a while and, after she had convinced me that she really didn’t need to go, would stand up, give me a devilish grin, and then pee everywhere.  All over the floor.  It is safe to say that after that experience, I didn’t do that method anymore.  Turns out, all the needed was a toilet seat adapter and she was fine.

4. Pooping in Pull-Ups

I know that Pull-Ups are meant to be like diapers only different, but I feel like they are definitely different than diapers.  It feels especially true when I find out that the little one(s) I’m potty training has pooped in their Pull-Up.  Sure, they have the easy rip sides in case something like this happens, but when you have a toddler who loves to help and rip those sides off before you’re ready?  Also, if there is no diaper mat at the ready or you didn’t think the situation through and got gung-ho on the poop in the Pull-Up situation, you have to be agile enough to rip the sides and catch the Pull-Up before it drops to the floor in a poopsplosion.  Ya, it’s not my favorite thing in the world to do.

5. The Switcharoo Doodoo

Thank goodness this has only happened once.  My feelings are, if you are ready to be potty trained, I am not going to put on and off your Pull-Up, underwear, or pants for you.  If you’re going to learn to use the bathroom you are going to learn how to do it all the way.  With that being said, sometimes I get so busy, I forget to verify that the undergarments and the pants have been put on the right way.  Fortunately, I can usually catch it before too long and correct it, but there was one very unfortunate time when that didn’t happen.  I smelled poop.  Granted, we had a lot of toddlers in the daycare so it could have been anyone.  I went around to each toddler and did the smell test.  Every one of them smelled fine (thank goodness).  I was very confused.  That’s when it hit me.  I forgot to check the ones that were potty training.  I cautiously walked over to Potty Training Kid 1 & 2 and asked if they had pooped in their Pull-Up.  They both replied no and went back to playing.  I smelled both of them and that smell.  I led Kid 1 to the bathroom to change them and when I pulled down their pants, I realized the Pull-Up was on inside out.  Just to let you know, the fronts of the Pull-Ups don’t absorb.  The poop was all over.  I had to clean it all up and now I have nightmares for life.

Do you have any potty training horror stories?  Share them in the comments below!